Are You Ready For a Committed Relationship ?

 

 

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When we were young, we were told that one day, we’d live happily ever after. But now that we’ve grown up, we’ve come to realize that relationships — and life in general — is far, far more complicated than that.

When a relationship begins, it is a love affair. Fascination, joy, sex, inspiration, delight, and sex, sex, sex. At some point, however, this phase ends. (I’m sorry, it just does. It may take a few months or a decade, but it does.) I’m not saying that long term relationships can’t be romantic and sexy, but eventually, that beginning phase must end. That is why it is called the “beginning.” It is really easy to become confused about what to do next. If love affairs are about talking, having adventures, and making love, then relationships are about creating a household, meeting each other’s friends, and figuring out how much debt everyone has.

When it comes to deepening a commitment, the first question I would ask is, “Can you navigate conflict?” So, check. Here are some questions I suggest you ask yourself.

Ask Yourself These 5 Questions:

  1. Do I love his skin?

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Do you long to touch him, hold his hand, love his smell, and his physical presence? Interestingly, chemistry tends to last whether or not you’re in a period of more or less desire for each other. I know this is not your standard “expert” advice, but when skin loves skin, touch can trump many disagreements.

  1. Is he nice?

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He may be brilliant, hilarious, and handsome but, you know? SO WHAT. While these are truly desirable qualities, they are not the most important when it comes to making a relationship last. Most important is the ability and willingness to be kind, generous, open-hearted, and decent. Is he a good person? If you believe he is, proceed. If you are not really sure (and who hasn’t loved a bad boy?), um, at least take note.

  1. Am I 100% certain that this relationship can work?

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If the answer is “yes,” I’d be suspicious. “No” is a much more sane answer. I mean, who is certain? When I hear someone say, “He’s everything I ever dreamed of!” I get scared. I’m not saying that your beloved shouldn’t surpass every expectation of what you imagined love to be, but there comes a point in every relationship where you have to choose between who this person is and who you wished he was. When you are relating to a real person rather than a fantasy person, there is always some uncertainty. That’s a good sign.

  1. Can I talk to him about things I care about?

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This is different than, “Do we share values and interests?” For me, my husband and I could have almost nothing in common.. I like to read and hang about inside. He might like to go fishing. But if I feel that I can share with him what is in my heart of hearts, that’s essential.

  1. Can I imagine loving him a little bit more than I love the idea of “us?”

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If you can each hold your love for the other just slightly above your love of the relationship you have, you will be capable of creating a truly happy bond. This is the key to the whole thing. If you can love him and care for him more than loving the idea of being in a relationship, then just go for it!

Last but not least, talk about it

 

Take some time and contemplate these questions. If your answers make you want to deepen your commitment, then decide whether or not you’d like to discuss moving ahead.

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Unfortunately, no one can tell you exactly what to say. Just trust yourself. Be honest. Talk about what you feel and what you’re uncertain about. Share your fears without expecting him to soothe them. Share your longings without expecting him to satisfy them. Share what is in your heart. At the end of the conversation, you may or may not be in agreement or even know what to do next, but you will have become more intimate.

While romance always fades, intimacy has no end, none whatsoever. Every interaction you have can deepen it whether you agree with each other, disagree, or have no idea what is going on. You can count on that.

 

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Through The Mist Of Emotions!

such_is_life I’ve really been pondering lately over what to do with this little piece of my life. Clearly I’ve been doing something else, because I sure as heck haven’t been writing much. I’ve been so sporadic with posting that I may as well not call myself a blogger anymore… and if I have to say “Sorry for the absence (yet again)” one more time, I may just stop following myself. I have to be honest. I have sat down to write my posts so many times now that I’ve lost count. I tried to write it in the middle of the struggles I’m facing, just to update everyone and to spill my heart a little bit, because I needed some therapy but the words wouldn’t come. Well, honestly – the words came, but they weren’t the words I wanted to say. I was bitter. I was questioning God. I was emotional. And my words showed it. I don’t want to be someone who publicly doubts God, even when my heart is feeling it – I don’t want to show it. If you are friends with me or know me personally, this is old news to you, but I still need to write it, even if its just for me. Because my heart changed, my spirit has awakened, and I see everything just a little bit differently, as cliché as that sounds. I’ve always had trouble expressing myself in front of others. Yes! Hard to believe as it may be, not even my family knows the true “ME”! In real life I come across as a happy-go-lucky, talkative girl – someone who manages to smile through the worst situations, so much so, that I have at times been called an Ice Princess to my face (for being emotionally detached). But to tell you the truth, I can actually count the number of people who ACTUALLY know me, on one hand. I compartmentalize everything. Broken, Sad, Angry, Disappointed…I have many small boxes in my heart where I simply lock everything I’m not ready to face, and forget about it. It’s not the same as bottling things up until they overflow; they are more like Pandora’s boxes- forgotten till eternity or all hell will break loose. A survivor’s mechanism – Yes, but this has changed me over time – and HOW! I crave for someone who understands how I feel without my having to say anything, explain anything, justify anything! Since I’m sure as hell never going to find one like that, I have taken the first nervous baby steps into this world of journaling my feelings online – where I hope to find people, who mirror my emotions, ramble on, talk, chat.. and just plain feel better about themselves without the scare of people judging them. Confused as ever, I really didn’t know what to call this little space of mixed emotions. I wanted to write about ‘words I wish I had said’, ‘random musings of a sentimental dreamer’, ‘confessions of a hopeless romantic’, ‘chronicles of an unpredictable drama queen’, so, I choose to call it – ‘LIFE AS I KNOW IT’ – as someone who is trying to learn the uncomfortable art of letting herself be seen. Because beneath the makeup and behind the smile, I’m just a girl who wishes for the world. Kritika_Sharma